5/9

Another five on Saturday, nothing Monday (I used my running time to mow the lawn), 5 yesterday around 8:50 pace or so.  I woke up this morning and my knee was aching from yesterday's run--it hurt all day today.  I tried to run really slowly tonight--started off slow, warmed up with a half-mile of jogging, stretched, and put on my brace.  Ran to 2 miles and stopped again to stretch--hurting so bad.  Ran to 3.1 and stopped in tears; did some more stretching and a couple of PT exercises. Neil looked at my brace and told me to hike it up--it was a good 3/4 of an inch too low.  Ran another .9 miles to finish out the four and it seemed to be feeling better, although I don't know if it was the rest/stretching or the brace adjustment (I'm really hoping for that last one).

I hate hate hate this.  Not being able to run the way I want to is seriously just sinking me into this black pit of despair--my outlet; my thing that keeps me going and the thing that I can push myself and be proud of my achievements--it's become the thing I'm worst at and that causes me physical pain throughout the day.  Argh.  Can't even express how awful I've been feeling lately about running.  And now it's 11 pm and I still have to ice it and shower.  My life feels like it's rocketing out of control these days and it's driving me crazy that the ONE THING that used to give me some measure of control and allow me to metabolize all the stress has turned into this nightmare (and Neil is working so much that the only way I can exercise is via the treadmill, so it knocks out biking, swimming, aerobics, etc.).